I Want to be Amnesia!

I & MY MOM

"Saya tentu bisa mencintai, tapi tidak dengan bibir. Tidak pula dengan pikiran, isyarat-isyarat, ataupun peduli. Peduli itu kadangkala perlu bersembunyi, jauh dan diam bersemedi. Seberapapun lalu-lalang mengucapkan  salam, saya akan tetap diam, tanpa suara, dan terus mengagumi. Karena rumus-rumus sosial itu terlalu sulit, kadangkala  menimbulkan tanda tanya baru. Ya, "ucapanku memang sulit untuk dieja", andaikata bahasa asing, mungkin tidak ada terjemahannya. Jadi jangan berharap untuk menebak-nebak ataupun berprasangka, cukup "putus asa-LAH".   Dan Anda tidak akan tahu, bahwa sekarang telah menjadi esok. Dengan cara ini, saya terus membisu, menertawakan Anda dalam frustasi. Terus mematai-matai perasaan sendiri, lalu menelantarkannya. Dengan ketololan inilah, peduli yang lain menjemput saya, memberikan sepoi-sepoi, dan menyiram saya dengan air dingin. Dengan siraman air dingin itulah, sesekali saya takluk, berontak sedikit, lalu mengadu kepada pena".

Saya pernah menulis sebuah cerpen saat duduk di bangku SMA. Saya persembahkan untuk seorang perempuan yang selalu meminta saya, untuk memanggilnya sebagai "Mamak".  Perempuan yang namanya selalu tertulis dalam rapor ataupun akta kelahiran saya. Seorang perempuan yang seringkali memijat kaki saya, jika saya terkapar di atas kasur. "Mamakku".

Cerita ini  meraih juara terbaik kedua se-karisidenan Surakarta pada tahun 2009 dan dimuat dalam majalah kampus UMS yang benama Campus English Magazine. Cerita ini sukses bukan karena ke-genius-an sang penulis, tetapi semata-mata karena cerita akan  kasih sayang seorang Mamak. Tulisan ini benar-benar untuk Anda Mamak, hanya untuk Anda! Sampai saya harus bersimpuh memeras otak, agar Anda bangga dengan tulisan saya. Agar Anda tidak menggadai saya dengan anak lain yang jauuuuhhhhh luar biasa. Agar Alm. Bapak selalu punya cerita ketika ia kesepian. Agar kita tetap hidup seperti ini dalam diam.  Dan saat Anda yang tidak bisa berbahasa Inggris bertanya apa isi dari cerpen ini,

"Dengan singkat tanpa menyebut arti Anda bagi anakmu ini, saya menjawab, "PERSAHABATAN".

******

I Want To Be Amnesia

Cover

What a beautiful day it was! The whole world seemed to draw my happy heart! My life seemed to be so perfect. I always became the star of class-the best student of the year. I had some friends and some warm attention. Although I had those nice things and good achievement at school, I didn't have them all at home!

Home for me meant hard-works, too much chores to handle; those were really tiring!  I had to do the tasks when my mother selling 'jamu' around the village. My father worked hard as a peasant who worked in other people's fields. We didin't even have enough money for the daily life. 

Home was not fun for me. Moreover, I was so difficult to get along with my mother. My mother was too fussy, harsh and over-protective! But, still I could say I was lucky girl because I had a best friend in school, Dina. She is a best friend who always accompanied me in happiness and sadness. 

"I'm fed  up, Din... Often I heard my mother complaining because she must pay my expensive school fee. She is tired because we're always in poverty. It looks like I'm the reason of it. I've tried hard to be the best in class, but in her biggest hope is that I must graduate soon, get a job and earn money." I complained to Dina. She came from a rich family. She was able to cheer me up.

"Don''t think about it. Let's have fun. How about hanging around in Solo Grand Mall and watch the movie after school?" as always Dina offered fun solution.

"It''s a good idea!  You're relly my best friend ever." I answered.

Every time I faced a problem, Dina could give me solution that made me fun, happy and peace. She wasn't  like my mother who always gave me some tiring works. 

"Dewi, why you just follow what Dina said? look at you now! You prefer to spend too much time for shopping, movies and playing games or browsing in internet with her! Come on Wik, be yourself!" my friend often advised me.

Gosh!! They just didn't know how Dina helped me to ease my problems. It's Dina, who always invited me to the new interesting adventures that I've never met in my life. Dina, my best friend, was the sweetest discovery to my life.

***

One day my mother was angry with me because I was late to go home. I just stay in silence. So, what's wrong if I was late because I did my homework with my friends, and spending some more time for shopping and chatting with Dina? It's not important for my mother to know what had made me too late. 

Then I said to my mother, "Why can I just like other child? Dina can go everywhere she likes. She can have everything she wants to without doing those tiring chores. She just..."

"Your dream is not realistic!" she exclaimed, "You're not Dina! Our condition is different. Your father is just a poor peasant. Realize that!"

 My emotion was fired  to the top and at least the rebelion dirty words sprouted out from my mouth.

"Oh my God, what happen with you? You just have a change! Poverty is not a sin to be complained all the time. I just want you to graduate well to change our fete. Have you ever comprehended my hopes?" she said with watery eyes...

"Please mom... I'ts you who don't see me. Would you just comprehend me?" I snapped her back.

"Huh, I'm fed up with all of this!" I said while I slammed the door of my room. Then I determined my heart that I had to obtain this scholarship from UI, and I could get out from this home soon! I believed that I could get it... I had always been seen the best in the class. 

***

Days had gone by until one event happened in my life. I was ill. Doctor said that I was too tired. I didn't meet Dina...Why she never replied my message? Where was Dina? I began to see the fact that it's not Dina who took care of me. It's Mom who take care of me all the time, did all the house hold chores all alone while she was still working harder to earn money.Oh God! She looked so tired! Life has been too hard for her. Meanwhile when I was ill, Dina never called me. What happen with her?

When I got better, I got back to school. But what's this? I think the situation in my class had changed. And Dina? Why was she so stiff? She seemed to stay away from me. Dina just didn't care about me anymore! Then I was so surprised when my friend, Tika, told me the shocking news. 

"You fail the selection of the scholarship  to University of Indonesia. Have you heard about it?"

"What ? I don't believe it!! I felt so confident with my ability. So, who's the winner??" I asked with bitter smile.

"Dina!" she answered.

"Dina?? Are you kidding?? is it a joke??"

"No, its a fact! Look at the school -board by yourself!" they appointed to the school-board.

Its impossible!!

Finally it was not a real joke anymore as I saw the big notice on the school-board stated that Dina Lorensia as the winner of the Schoolarship to University of Indonesia. I felt that I had lost my sense. I recognized Dina. She's not the character who liked to fight for a scholarship. I was so confused...

In tis moment, I heard someone giggling behind me. It was Dina.

"What have you done to me Din? I had trusted you..." I finally dared myself to ask Dina with disbelieved feeling.

"What is my fault?" Dina asked witout feeling guilty.

"You get the schoolarship to University of Indonesia. Is  it the real fact? I know who you are. You don't want it, do you?"

"You don't know me at all, Dewi! Not even a bit! And Im not your best friend," she said with the mocking smile that  I began to hate."You don't need a friend but you need some ease. And I've given it all to you".

"But we're friends, weren't we?You..."

"No...no...no...there is no true friendship in the world. I don't believe in friendship,"she spoke out loud.

"But I saw you never studying. You're always having fun all time. You seemed very easy-going. How could you......."

" You're a person who never grateful with everything  you have. You're overconfident so you never actually 'see' other people around you", Dina cut my sentences. "You often complained with your life that you think always in poverty. But your life is actually not very bad at all. And you have a mother who always pays attention to you. But look at me! I am not very clever and I have  no attention from my parents! It was not fun at all. I want to be like you all time. You always get the best marks. And now I have it!!!!"

Oughhh...! I'm shocked! She stabbed me behind! It made me understand that Dina is not the real best friend. She betrayed the friendship that I thought  the best friendship I ever had. Dina was not the 'sweetest discovery' but she triggered the bad relation between me and my mother.

I realized that my mother was the only one who honestly advised and supported me whenever I'm down. And mother was the one who care to remind me not to be overjoyed. Mother was the one who loved me forever.

Now I understand that she's not only my mother but also my real best friend who would never stab me from my  back. I always put the negative-thinking  on my moyher. I had done too many bad mistakes to my mother and my own future! I just want to be amnesia, to forget everything I've done. So I can start  a new life with my new best friend, my mother..."   

  

THE END

                       

Note: Don't copy my short story without permission!